City of My Mind

by Jewelia

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credits

released December 8, 2018

Music and Lyrics: Iulia Tache

Production: Iulia Tache and Andy Denyer (1 - 12), Antony Galatis (5)
Mixing: Iulia Tache and Andy Denyer (1 - 12), Brett Shaw (4, 5, 10, 11, 12)
Mastering: Pete Maher (1, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9), Metropolis Studios (2, 5, 10, 11, 12)

Vocals and Piano: Iulia Tache
Guitar: Henry Churchill (2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 ), Andy Denyer (1, 6, 12)
Drum Kit: Andy Denyer (8, 11)
Backing Vocals: Andy Denyer (9, 12)

Conducting: David Denyer (2)

Violin: David Denyer (1, 11), Henry Rankin (6, 8, 12), Kate Agostino (2), Luís Mota (2), Lee Anne Blackmore (2),
Jamie Philokyprou (11), Ivan Cheng (11),
Viola: Katherine Clarke (2), Royce Chen (2), David Denyer (11), Oliver Mayo (6, 12)
Violoncello: Jon Gibson (6, 12), Lydia Emily Dobson (2), Clara Berger (2), Andrew Harsley (2),
Double Bass: Matt Begg (2)

Trumpet: Elliot Phelps (2), Adam Stockbridge (2, 9), Antoine Sarkar (2, 9), Adam Saunders (11), Will Lyons (11),
Fergus Pateman (11), Oliver Bowring (11)
Trombone: Ross Johnson (2), Alec Coles-Aldridge (2), James Maund (2), Alice Batchelor (11)
Horn: Kaitlyn Lipka,(2), Jack Pilcher May (2)
Saxophone: Chris Kalcov (11), Aidan Scanlon (11), Oscar Ives-Owen (11)

Flute: Max Skibinski (8)

Percussion: Kofi Percussion (1)

Photography: Laura Radford (booklet cover) and Andy Denyer (other)
Artwork by Iulia Tache

Many thanks to all my Kickstarter backers who made this possible. I couldn’t have done it without you!

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about

Jewelia London, UK

www.jewelia-music.com
Singer/songwriter producing my own music, a mixture of art pop with alternative, chamber pop and electronica. I use music and poetry to create stories; they must be good, because I often end up believing them.

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Track Name: City of My Mind
‘Who’s this little girl with big brown curls?
she never talks, she only stares in space with big round eyes
Could it be that she can see something that we cannot see
What's this strange game and who else is in it?
It's just imagination,
Imagination

Where is all this anger coming from?
Now all my friends who never had a name
Come down only at night
And we still play together in the dark
A harmless game, then why this shame?
I guess I've lost since I grew up

But I’ve still got the city of my mind
Yes, I've still got the city of mind
I'll build myself in it
I'll sing myself to sleep
When no one else is here to make believe

I'll make myself believe
I'll sing myself to sleep
I'll tuck myself in bed
Tell stories in my head
Dream out of dream again
Dream out of dream again
Dream out of dream again

But I’ve still got the city of my mind
Yes, I've still got the city of mind
I'll build myself in it
I'll sing myself to sleep
When no one else is here to make believe
Track Name: I Would Never Tell
I would never tell if you had a secret
Dark as it may be, I would never tell
You don’t have to fear - proof that you can trust me -
If you let me in, I will share the guilt
I would never tell
I would never tell

Whisper close to me here behind the curtain
Mum and Dad can’t hear us, and I would never tell
I would never tell
Even if it killed me
Even if it hurts
I know you don’t mean it

Oh, what do I know about what's right and wrong
Oh, what do I know?

I would never tell, even if it killed me
We can go to hell, I’m your little secret
And you can never leave me
Oh, you can never leave me
Yeah, you can never leave me
Otherwise I’ll tell

Oh, what do I know about what's right and wrong?
Oh yeah, what do I know?
I’m just a little girl
Track Name: When Monsters Spare Their Prey
Monsters shouldn’t have everyday eyes like you do
Monsters shouldn’t know how to smile without the evil showing through

Like a God, you can give life
But you took everything from me
Empty shell to fill it up
With whatever you want me to be

Over my eyes there is a mist, these walls contain a world so sick
Silence so deep threatening me until I forget who I’m supposed to be

Like a God, you give and take
There’s nothing else, there’s no one else
When the lines begin to blend
I’m a puppet in your hands

Oh, when monsters spare their prey
Oh, it means they want to play

I know you, I know you, I’ve seen what you can do
I know the truth of what you are
But the devil inside you, the evil that guides you
I can’t show it to anyone


Like a God, you give and take
And at your will I twist and break
In this nightmare that you made
You’re the only thing I have

Oh, when monsters spare their prey
Oh, it means they want to play.

Ah, the monsters don’t come out at night
Ah, they live among us in plain sight
Track Name: Let Go
Earth and Fire, we were one,
we clutched one to another like there was no other soul
to keep us company
sticks and stones will break my bones
but they can’t crush the shadows in my soul
some never truly learn to let go

Fire burns and water flows
What flies will hunt whatever crawls
Oh, I think you know
Wanting someone is not always love

You make me shine
Sweet love of mine
You cast away all my shadows
But a fire so strong
Can’t last too long
Before we burn we have to let it go

There’s no consolation prize
Just the emptiness that follows
I have never asked for any sacrifice

Fire burns and water flows
What flies will hunt whatever crawls
Oh, I think you know
Wanting someone is not always love

You make me shine
Sweet love of mine
You cast away all my shadows
But a fire so strong
Can’t last too long
Before we burn we have to let it go

My heart is finding yours
we tiptoe in the dark
We’re smothering the flame
we’re dying to ignite

Burn, burn

You make me shine
Sweet love of mine
You cast away all my shadows
But a fire so strong
Can’t last too long
Before we burn we have to let it go
Track Name: Monsters
I don't wanna be free, you don't wanna be free
I'm alone, you're alone
Let's be alone together
I don't think I'm in love, I don't think you're in love
And I know I'll get bored
But this room is so cold

Do not expect too much,
I just want you to be a convenient shelter
Drive away my lonely nights, my monsters
Won't you

Save me, don't you know that all the girls are crazy?
Don't you love control, so won't you be my baby?
You can have it all while I'm not giving any
Don't you love control, so won't you be mine

This is more than a game
And I'm starting to get used to missing you
When you're not around
I've got this empty chair, I keep it beside my bed
Used to dream that the devil was sitting there

But now it's you, it's you, my darling
I keep talking to you even when you are not listening
Won't you

Save me, don't you know that all the girls are crazy?
Don't you love control, so won't you be my baby?
You can have it all while I'm not giving any
Don't you love control, so won't you be my…
Oh oh

All my nightmares are now gone, all excepting one
Now that my monsters left, if you go, I'll be all alone

Save me, don't you know that all the girls are crazy?
Don't you love control, so won't you be my baby?
You can have it all while I'm not giving any
Show me how to love and I will be your…
Oh oh
Track Name: Dead Leaves
You sleep so still, so beautiful
I could watch you for ages
So silent and warm, my eyelids fall
Like dead leaves in autumn
The morning light is playing in your hair
I only sit and stare
You slowly smile and so do I, it's bliss
And baby you're my moment of peace.

You sleep so still, so beautiful
I can barely hear you breathe
I wonder what you're dreaming of
'Cause baby this feels like a dream to me
But life is waiting outside the door
We can't stay forever like this
Just one more minute let me watch you sleep

It's autumn again,
There was a time when it didn't mean a thing
But now dead leaves remind me of a morning
When for a moment time stood still
It was just me and you against the world
Everything else behind that door
I gently kissed your eyes to say goodbye
And baby, then I went outside…
Track Name: If Only You Were Real
I swore I’d forget you,
told my psychiatrist the dreams were gone
she doesn’t believe you’re real
gave me pills to make you disappear
The phone stopped ringing a while ago
I swear it worked before
we’d spend nights talking until dawn
you must have changed your number
you must not want me anymore

I used to take you to the cinema, to dinner
I’d always drive; I sometimes paid for two
I’ve started thinking - maybe there’s no proof
other than that I loved you, (yes, I did!)
If only… if only you were real

I used to draw your name in the sand and sing for you
you made me feel more alive than anyone I knew
just thinking of you my blood would rush
I’d shiver when we’d almost touch
sometimes I think it’s hard to love anyone so much

I swore I’d let you go
I dance with people, imagine they are you
I get in bed with them and I don’t feel a thing
unless I call your name silently - they never hear
they never know you’ve been my only one
If only you were real
Track Name: Queen of the Rags
The morning hurts, the daylight stabs you in the eyes
You washed your faced, you cooled the itch between your thighs
In your paradise the angels rock the homeless look
I’d almost like you if you weren’t quite so crooked

Am I too dull or are the screens too bright in here?
Am I the one shaping my life or is it shaping me?
Who writes the script when all we’re taught is how to read?
We gotta live with it, forget it, live with it.

The Queen of Rags will sell her soul
For the clothes of the Emperor

Everyone knows that good tearjerkers are the best
‘Come on, I’ll take you home, I’ll help you get undressed
I’ll soothe my pain by contemplating misery
I know you’re cheap, but not cheaper than me’

Turn up that that awful music, I can hear my thoughts
While I decide my destiny by drawing lots
These days the sky doesn't let anybody kiss it
I got to live with it, forgive it, live with it

The Queen of Rags will sell her soul
For the clothes of the Emperor

The Queen of Rags will sell her soul
For the clothes of the Emperor
Track Name: Fall in Love
What have I done to myself?
What have I sculpted in my flesh?
What can I do when my ego suddenly escapes the cage?
I can turn myself into an irresponsive instrument
Only presume it’s guilty until proven innocent

Stranger, if you only took the time
To see not only me, but all that’s mine
If only I didn’t think I knew it so well

Maybe I’d fall in love

These broken walls still have my old name sprayed on them
It doesn’t look so flattering now, I’m afraid

Darling, if we only could forget,
Make our beaten selves function again
If only I didn’t think I knew it so well

Maybe I’d fall in love
Love, love

With myself again
Track Name: If Silence
Strange how the morning feels so grim
When you wake up from a dream

Scent of love so far long gone
Storms have come the ship has drowned
Couldn’t leave the weights behind

If silence speaks more than words can
Then why didn’t you understand?
If time is the best healer, then how come
All it does is make us forget?

Strange how the streets are just the same
they get lonely when it rains

Trace of love so far long gone
Can this ship keep sailing on her own?

If silence speaks more than words can
Then why didn’t you understand?
If time is the best healer, then how come
All it does is make us forget?

Pulleys and strings, they’ve all gone wrong
Like I knew it all along
Some things are just not meant to last
But they keep on coming back to haunt

If silence speaks more than words can
Then why didn’t you understand?
If time is the best healer, then how come
All it does is make us forget?
Track Name: Hurricane
I am sick of watching stories
and screens flickering
with other people’s sins
and other people’s dreams
viewing life like a spectator
from the balcony, not even close enough
to smell the dust
when the curtain falls
I can never tell which side I’m on

I dance inside a hurricane
But I don’t wanna let go
Life is scary when you’re not in control
But I wanna see where it takes me,
I wanna see what it throws at me

Everyone else moving in a rush around me
while I’m standing petrified
with no one by my side
someone share with me the secret
is there something that I’m missing?
what’s the point of life
when you can’t tame your mind?
I stay up wondering all night
will I really ever get it right

I dance inside a hurricane
But I don’t wanna let go
Life is scary when you’re not in control
But I wanna see where it takes me
Yes, I wanna see

When the only way to cope with the moment
is pretend it’s not happening
When the things you loved the most
now don’t mean anything
When you float as far as you can be
and no one else can reach you,
Listen to me, I promise it will get better
You gotta stick around for long enough to see

I dance inside a hurricane
and there’s one inside me
Got nothing to lose so I’ll spin and dance with it
And I will learn to love it
Yes I will learn to love it

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